Child's Play.. Not

I guess I'm on this rant today because I had a child in my office crying. This is not the first time and it will not be the last. I see these children torn apart way to often. This child with a still solemn little face told me what her father had said to her. "Go ahead live with your mother. She is a B**** and you are just like her." This baby loves her father and will never understand why her father hates the part of her that is like her mother.

So very many times in a divorce the children become the parents. This happens because parents try to hurt each other through the children. Mom says "Your Dad is so mean. If he would only pay YOUR child support I could take you to the store and buy you a new bike." Dad says, "If only your mother would use the money I send her for YOU. She spends all of YOUR money on HER clothes." The child tells each parent what the other has said. Using the children as a go-between for your issues gives children power they can not handle. They should not try and cope with these problems. Divorce is hard enough on children without your burdens placed on their shoulders.

Children also hear every mean hurtful thing you say about your spouse. Your wife is still their mother. Your husband is still their father. You are divorcing each other not the child. Your child still loves their father and mother no matter how mean crazy and perverted they have become to you. Many judges in Alabama's Family Courts send parents to class to learn how to behave. This does not happen until after the divorce papers have been filed. By the time a divorce is in court the child has already heard enough pain to last a life time.

Watch what your children see and hear. Just because you do not see them does not mean that they can not hear you talk to others or each other. Children slip around to find out what is going on. When they hear you let them hear that you are in control of your emotions. Let them know that no matter what is going on your love for them will not change. If you can quit loving your child's other parent the child thinks that you will quit loving him. If you are having marital problems be very careful.